“With great power comes great responsibility.”
You want to know a secret?
I struggle with self doubt as a mom. A lot. Often multiple times a day, every day of my life.
I wonder if I am doing enough, if I am being enough, or doing too much, or doing something when I should be doing something else.
I don’t know why. Because deep down, I know I’m doing ok. I know my kids are ok. Maybe not perfect. But I know that at least most of the time I am a “good” mom.
Even still, I just can’t ever seem to shake it. I can’t ever seem to stop questioning myself.
This time of year for one reason or another always brings some intense internal struggles. I get on my computer and am bombarded with pictures of all my friends’ kids on their first day of school. The backpacks. The bus. The desks. The new teachers.
And I can’t figure out why it bothers me so much.
Maybe it’s because I feel some sort of isolation. Alone. Different. Out of place.
No one in my circle of friends home schools.
And certainly no one I know home schools the way I do. Teaching a few grade levels above age. Teaching young. A lifestyle of learning many useful and interesting things.
So some silly thought process repeats over and over again in my head.
Feeling that maybe if all of these people that I respect and care about are choosing a certain thing for their kids, then, well, I don’t know. Maybe they’re onto something? Maybe I really am crazy? Maybe I am going to mess up my kids, somehow, someway?
The thoughts aren’t so much on an intellectual level as they are on an emotional level.
Because I know in my head that what I am doing is, in the very least, the best thing for my kids. For my family. For this time in our lives.
Intellectually I can clearly and concisely tell you a thousand reasons why I am doing what I’m doing. Why I choose to do things differently. Why it benefits our lives, and makes us a better family, and individually better people.
But on an emotional level, that picture of your kid in his third grade classroom makes me question myself in a way that just doesn’t make any sense.
Do you ever struggle with self-doubt as a parent, whether you home school or not, even if it doesn’t always make sense?
“For whether we live, we live unto the Lord; and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s.”Romans 14:8
My boys are currently 7 years, 4 months old and 1 year, 2 months old